Everything has changed.  

My sweet Cupcake is 8 weeks old today and I finally feel as though we are stumbling out of that newborn-induced delirium and into real life again.  Like swinging open a grand door and breathing fresh air again.  I have savored these sweet moments hidden away with my precious angels.  Late-night feedings bathed in dim lamp-light, too-early morning snuggles watching the news with the big girls, and daily breakfast in our jammies.  Even so, I look forward to gradually reacquainting myself with schedules, routines, and commitments, yet immersed in fresh perspective.

There seems to be order.  Yet not.  It’s different.  You see, I am the sort of person who puts everything in her closet in rainbow order.  (Yes.  ROYGBIV.)  And arranges my spice rack in alphabetical order.  (Embarrassing, I know.)  Even my socks are carefully sorted by color, season, and type. 

Now that I have had four babies, I have learned a thing or two along the way.  The passage of time never slows, only picking up speed with each passing moment.  My babies won’t be babies forever.  And while I sometimes miss the sense of accomplishment and self-worth that can be found in certain jobs and tasks, I simply cannot hurry back to them.  People say, “When are you coming back?”  “When will you do ‘such and such?'”  “It’s different without you.”  And while all those sentiments flatter, none of those jobs seem to matter much to me at the moment.  

My family needs me.  And I need them even more.  

I am cooking again.  Real food.  Oh, how I missed the tasty artistry that thrives in a warm kitchen.  Lovey continually stands at my side, asking for the step stool so she can “help” in the simplest of ways.  Her smallish hand laid gently across mine “helps” me scoop the sugar or sprinkle cinnamon.  Ladybug lingers in my bed after early-morning cuddles fritter away a bad dream.  I spy Peanut hiding away, gripped by yet another Nancy Drew adventure.  Cupcake greets me with innocent smiles and the hint of a giggle.   

Who would trade this?

Because I have temporarily stepped back from my commitments outside of our home, I find myself experiencing life in a fresh way.  I arrive here and there at different times, meeting new people (and consequently missing others).  I sit in a different spot at church and go to the library on a different day of the week.  Grocery day now requires the precision coordination of a military exercise (with a fair amount of coffee beforehand) and my favorite jeans still don’t fit quite the way they used to. 

And honestly, it’s rather refreshing.  

Love & Coffee.

“See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.”

Isaiah 43.19 (NIV)